BDSM 101: The Grocery Store of Kink
If you're unfamiliar with BDSM, it stands for Bondage, Dominance/Discipline, Submission/Sadism, and Masochism. It’s a structured way of exploring kink that plays with power dynamics, control, and different kinds of sensation — all grounded in consent and communication.
Understanding Kink, Fetishes, and BDSM
To break BDSM down further, it helps to understand the differences between kink, fetishes, and BDSM. And if you're one of my clients, you know how much I love using metaphors in our psychoeducational sessions—so let’s go grocery shopping. 🛒
The Grocery Store of Kink
Think of kink as the grocery store itself. Like most stores, it's organized into different sections to help you find what you need—fruits and veggies on one side, dairy and meats on the other. Each aisle has different items, with variations in brand, flavor, or ingredients, but they all belong in that aisle in some way, just like different types of kink practices belong under the broader umbrella of kink.
Using that same metaphor, BDSM would be one aisle within the larger store of kink. And fetishes? They’re specific items within the store—sometimes found in the BDSM aisle. For example, bondage gear, leather, or rubber might be found there, along with experiences or sensations like impact play (spanking, flogging, etc.) that are common in BDSM exploration.
Everyone is welcome in the store of kink. Some of us may have wandered in already, sampled a few things—some we liked, some we didn’t—and that’s perfectly okay. Whether you're brand new to kink, exploring BDSM for the first time, or deeply experienced, it's always okay to ask questions and seek guidance as you discover what feels right for your sexual self.
Let’s Talk About Consent Basics
Consent is the foundation of all healthy kink play—it must be informed, enthusiastic, and freely given. You and your partner(s) should clearly communicate your boundaries and desires, knowing that consent can be withdrawn at any time. Safe words and honest check-ins help ensure everyone feels respected, heard, and safe throughout the experience.
Exploration is healthy. Consent is essential. And your experience—like your grocery cart—should be filled only with what nourishes and excites you.
In a future post, we’ll dive into the importance of aftercare—what it looks like, why it matters, and how to communicate your needs around it.
If you need guidance or support in navigating and understanding your sexual self within the kink world, consider reaching out to a kink-allied, LGBTQIA+, and sex-positive therapist—like myself, my colleagues at The Gaia Center, or other sex-informed therapists—who can walk alongside you in that journey. 🫶
