But For Real Episode 16: Help! The voice in my head is… kind of a b*tch
If you’ve ever struggled with a rough inner critic, you’re not alone.
While the judgments of the world can certainly get in the way of living your best life, we’re often our own worst enemies.
But the good news is that Valerie and Emerson have you covered with a deep dive into the psychology of self-criticism and tips for how to navigate it. And, as always, we get into plenty of other fun stuff, like what “Queening Out” means. 💁🏻♀️
This episode covers:
Tea & Crumpets
Valerie can’t stop talking about Book Lovers, a romance novel by Emily Henry. She often struggles with getting into fiction books, but after reading a lot of heavier books in her book club recently, this rom-com is exactly what she’s needed!
Emerson is current obsessed with a dense bean salad she found on TikTok. Instead of your typical three bean salad, it can include pretty much as many different beans you want, as well as pickled red onions, oregano, and whatever else sounds good to you. It’s been a great, easy lunch for Em, especially with struggling to often get enough veggies in on busy days!
Step Into My Office
Anyone else struggle with shame when you’re not being “productive?” 🙋♀️
In this episode, a listener shared about how every time she tries to rest or take a break, her thoughts get loud about “not doing enough” and “being lazy.”
Val and Em share some helpful perspectives, including a much needed reminder that rest doesn’t have to be earned.
The DSM: Let’s Talk About The The Inner Critic
This segment starts with Val getting into some of the psychology around self-criticism, including wisdom from Ethan Kross, author of the book Chatter. In Chatter, he shares about how our inner monologue is useful for a variety of reasons – but how it can also get toxic and damage our wellbeing. A quote we love from Kross is, “We often think the way to feel better is to dive into our thoughts, but the real power comes from stepping back from them.”
After a bit more discussion about the psychology of self-criticism, Emerson shares some of the things that turns up the volume on our inner-critic, including social media, unhealthy relational dynamics, and unprocessed trauma.
The segment closes out with Val and Em sharing practical tools for what to do with your inner-critic, with the first step being to befriend it. We know, it sounds counterintuitive, but it works! Want to hear more tips? You’ll have to check out the episode. 💁🏻♀️
Now That’s What I Call…OKAAAAY
Em’s pick for the week is Leave (Get Out) by JoJo. It’s the perfect nostalgic bop – and JoJo is still out touring with her 2000s hits and more!
Val’s pick for the week is a special one. She had a band called Conventional Wisdom with her husband, Chris, and some friends for a few years, and one of her favorite tracks titled “Grace” fits the theme of giving ourselves compassion in the most beautiful way!
Wait…What? – Queening Out
This week, Emerson enlightens us on what “queening out” means. In an Instagram post, @posterjournal summarizes it best: “Queening out is the same thing as hanging out, but for fierce divas. Queening out typically involves gagging, or laughing really hard about tea. When queening out, the true inner boots jumps out in order to maximize the joint slay. Queening out works best between two divas, because three or more would be a Kiki and simply a different vibe.”
Fire Dumpster Phoenix
This week, Val can’t stop talking about Cory Booker’s 25-hour filibuster. In a time where so many rights are being threatened on a daily basis, this kind of true action is so needed. This 15-min segment including a brief interview on Rachel Maddow’s show shortly after he finished is very worth watching.
Em’s find for the week is an article about how the morning after pill to be offered without charge in pharmacies across England! With an emphasis on expanding access due to “postcode lottery” challenges, individuals can feel relief in having guaranteed access to emergency contraception at a pharmacy local to them, drastically expanding necessary care for women and AFAB people. Now if only we could get the US on board…
If you want to learn more about any (or all) of these topics, click the podcast player at the top of this post or the YouTube video down below to listen to the full episode and dive in with us.
Resources + Stuff Mentioned in This Episode:
Book Lovers by Emily Henry
@posterjournal on IG
Cory Booker segment
Morning after pill to be offered without charge in pharmacies across England
Connect with Us:
Send a story or ask for advice: butforrealpod@gmail.com
But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
Val on IG: @valkaymartin
The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co
DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.
