But For Real Episode 5: Dating & Attachment Styles in the App Era
While this week’s episode is airing in a post-2024 election world, it was recorded prior to the election – so you’ll get to hear Val & Emerson’s thoughts + advice for their future selves…which is now advice for their current selves 😵💫 🤪
This episode ranges from Dancing With The Stars & Bad Monkey, to some of Emerson’s lore, to whatever TF touching grass means, and to our main event – navigating dating and attachment styles in the app era.
So, whether you’re looking for a good TV or music rec, want to reconnect with your own embarrassing middle school memories, or need help navigating the treacherous waters of dating apps, we’ve got you.
In this episode, Val and Emerson cover:
Tea & Crumpets
Emerson has been loving the nostalgia of watching Dancing With The Stars with her mom and sister this season. According to Em, this season has been a juicy one, including a messy showmance + getting to see the iconic athleticism of olympian Ilona Maher.
Val has been OBSESSED with Bad Monkey on Apple TV – a “black comedy crime drama” created by living legend Bill Lawrence (creator of Scrubs + co-creator of Ted Lasso), starring Vince Vaughn & Natalie Martinez and based on a book by Carl Hiaasen.
The Lore
This week, we get to dive into a bit of Emerson’s lore with the story of her first day of sixth grade. ICYMI, Emerson didn’t grow up in the US. Middle school is hard enough, but she had just moved from China – and she didn’t get the warmest welcome from her classmates. She was thrown into an interesting (and kinda weird, tbh) US school tradition – saying the pledge of allegiance at the start of the day. You’ll have to listen to the full episode to learn more about the "The Republic of Wichitstan” and if Emerson ended up going back to school after her embarrassing introduction.
The DSM - Attachment Styles in the App Era
Attachment Theory is a concept that was developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. While they probably never could’ve imagined so much of dating in our modern world is done on apps, understanding attachment theory can be really helpful in navigating the treacherous waters that the app era is.
Val and Emerson give an overview of attachment styles with some pop culture examples, caution listeners to not overidentify with an attachment style, explore the double-edged sword of dating apps, and give advice for how to healthily navigate them.
Now That’s What I Call…Okaaaay
Emerson’s pick for this week is Doomsday by Lizzy McAlpine – THE toxic breakup/to be broken up with song. According to Emerson, Lizzy is the cool/sad girl/my life is a movie soundtrack of the generation.
Val’s pick for this week is Control by Poe. It gives all of the spooky vibes (because even though it’s post-Halloween, it’s spooky season until mid-December, obviously), and Val’s loves Poe’s blend of alternative rock, electronic, and pop sounds, as well as her storytelling approach to songwriting.
Wait…What?
Emerson enlightens us all on what “touch grass” means – TLDR; it’s another way of saying someone needs a reality check, especially if they need to combat some brain rot from being too chronically online.
Fire Dumpster Phoenix
Val’s find is the e-learning platform Flowdiary. It was created by Muhammad Auwal Ahmad and is helping Nigerians gain tech job skills in a part of the world where going to a physical school puts you at risk for ransom kidnapping. While the internet definitely has its downfalls, this shows one of the many ways it’s an incredible resource.
Emerson’s find is that funding has been awarded to researchers in the UK to create a vaccine that prevents ovarian cancer! The OvarianVax project lead by Professer Ahmed is dedicated to creating a vaccine that could dramatically reduce ovarian cancer cases worldwide. The study currently posits looking for certain proteins on the surface of early stage cancerous cells and how the vaccine can effectively kill them off.
If you want to learn more about any (or all) of these topics, click the podcast player at the top of this post or the YouTube video down below to listen to the full episode and dive in with us.
Resources + Stuff Mentioned in This Episode:
Connect with Us:
Send a story or ask for advice: butforrealpod@gmail.com
But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
Val on IG: @valkaymartin
The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co
DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.
