But For Real Episode 25: Once a Cheater…? The One About Infidelity ❤️🩹
This episode of But For Real is a spicy one about an always controversial topic: infidelity.
Val and Emerson explore what infidelity actually is, statistics, why people cheat, cultural considerations, and the role therapy can play.
And, as always, they get into plenty of other good stuff like TV show recommendations, song recommendations very apropos to the topic of infidelity, and some heartwarming news finds––like a former chef helping street dogs after they gave him hope on his darkest days. 🥹
This episode covers:
Tea & Crumpets
Emerson is currently loving watching The Osbourne’s reality show. While it’s been around for countless years, she didn’t watch it when it came out thanks to being Gen Z 💁🏻♀️. However, with the death of Ozzy Osbourne (RIP to an absolute legend), it’s available to watch for free––and her British heart is absolutely loving it!
Valerie has been watching season 2 of Shrinking, and it is SO good. It’s landed in her top 10 fave shows of all time.
Step Into My Office: HELP! My friend is cheating…
A listener wrote in about how one of her closest friends has been cheating on their spouse…and not just a one time drunken slip, a full-blown affair. 🥴
She hasn’t said anything and feels caught between a rock and a hard place.
Val and Emerson shared some advice including sharing her concerns with her friend (not the friend’s spouse) and setting clear boundaries.
The DSM: THE hottest debate in all media ever and IRL relationships… let’s talk about INFIDELITY
This segment starts with defining infidelity because people define cheating very differently—especially across attachment styles, gender, and cultural backgrounds.
The APA Dictionary of Psychology defines infidelity like this: “The situation in which one partner in a marriage or intimate relationship becomes sexually or emotionally involved with a person other than the partner’s spouse or partner/girlfriend/boyfriend.”
Then, they dive into some stats on infidelity, including prevalence, post-infidelity outcomes, and gender differences.
Val also explores some of the reasons behind why people cheat, leaning into Dr. Esther Perel’s work on infidelity, particularly from her book The State of Affairs. One line from the book that stands out is, “Affairs are an act of betrayal, but also an expression of longing and loss.”
Emerson highlights some cultural layers to consider, especially the importance of couples discussing what it means to be monogamous or ethically non-monogamous in partnership.
Val shares a bit about the role that therapy can play in the aftermath of infidelity, both for the betrayer and the one who has been betrayed.
Emerson closes out the segment with getting real: Cheating is NOT always a death sentence for a relationship—but it is a relational earthquake. Whether you leave, stay, or something in between, the goal isn’t to erase what happened—it’s to understand it, tend to the wound, and decide what kind of relationship you want going forward.
Now That’s What I Call…OKAAAAY
Em’s pick for the week is My Mind by Yebba. The agony she was able to portray at just 21 is unreal.
Val’s pick is an always iconic cheating song, I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! At The Disco.
Fire Dumpster Phoenix
Val’s find for this week is a very wholesome piece about Niall Harbison, a former chef who has struggled with addiction for most of his life and found hope from street dogs during dark days. Now, he’s returning the favor.
Emerson’s find for this week is about prolific reader, former Marine and social worker Dan Pelzer who passed away July 1st 2025 at the age of 92. Dan kept a list starting in 1962 of all the books he read from every imaginable genre, filling over a hundred pages of books and ending at 3,599 at his passing. Dan inspired those around him with how much he read and liked to share his thoughts with others, and his family decided that giving out copies of his reading list at his funeral wasn’t feasible, so they created www.what-dan-read.com where you can scroll a digitized version
If you want to learn more about any (or all) of these topics, click the podcast player at the top of this post or the YouTube video down below to listen to the full episode and dive in with us.
Resources + Stuff Mentioned in This Episode:
Street dogs gave him hope during dark days. Now he’s returning the favor
"My Mind" by Yebba
"I Write Sins Not Tragedies" by Panic! At the Disco
Connect with Us:
Send a story or ask for advice: butforrealpod@gmail.com
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The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
Val on IG: @valkaymartin
The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co
DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.
