For many people, hearing “couples therapy” brings up the idea of a relationship being in crisis or on the brink of ending – and while couples therapy can be impactful in those cases, there is so much more to it and so many other circumstances where it can be beneficial.

In this episode, Valerie and Emerson get into what couples therapy really is, when it’s helpful, when it’s not helpful, and suggestions for what to look for if you’re interested in couples therapy.

Of course, we also get into our usual mix of fun—like Emerson’s newfound love for Zumba and some heartwarming headlines (hello, 90-year-old animal-saving queen 🥹).

This episode covers:

Tea & Crumpets

Like many folks, Emerson has struggled to find a type of movement that feels joyful – and she has a newfound love for Zumba! She’s leaning into the silliness and fun instead of feeling like she has to be “good at it.”

Valerie is currently obsessed with YouTuber Harmen Hoek. Hoek makes immersive, awe-inspiring videos hiking throughout the world. His dedication to his craft is stunning, and it’s amazing to be able to experience some of the views he captures without having to make the trek.

The Lore

In this episode, instead of a listener submission, Val shares her story of how couples therapy positively impacted her marriage.

In 2019, she was on a trip with her husband in Scotland. While reading Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed, she started to feel like her marriage was in trouble or even over. Instead of making an impulsive choice, Val and her husband explored couples therapy. Despite what our culture often leads us to believe, love, relationships, and attraction can actually be malleable, if you put in the work.

The DSM: Couples Therapy

Emerson starts out the episode by diving into some common catalysts for couples therapy such as: communication breakdowns, conflict avoidance and/or explosions, mismatched needs for intimacy, sex, space, or security, feeling like roommates, enemies, or ships passing in the night, attachment wounds from childhood/previous relationships, and several more!

Val then shares some wisdom on what folks can get out of couples therapy, with one of the most impactful, tangible results being having a space to learn tools to repair instead of rinse and repeat.

They both then give an overview of some of the common schools of couples therapy including:

Gottman Method
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Imago
Doherty Approach
Relational Life Therapy (RLT)
PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy)

You’ll have to listen to the episode to learn more and hear thoughts from Em and Val on when couples therapy is and isn’t helpful, but TLDR; Relationships can be messy because humans are messy! Couples therapy is an opportunity to get clear about emotional fluency, safety, and mutual care, and learn about yourself as an individual in the process.

Now That’s What I Call…OKAAAAY

Emerson’s pick for the week was A Thousand Trees by Stereophonics. Stereophonics are a Welsh rock/indie-rock band formed in 1992. If you didn’t already know, Em hails from Wales, and she says the song is such a vibe and always makes her think about her parents being young and falling in love. 🥹

Val’s pick for the week was In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3 by Coheed and Cambria. The song (and album as a whole) is very futuristic, and the album is the second installment in an ongoing saga about The Amory Wars. The Amory Wars is also the name of the graphic novel series written by lead singer Claudio Sanchez.

Fire Dumpster Phoenix

Val’s find for this episode was a story from The Monitor about how Massachusetts became the only state to reduce food waste. Vanguard Renewables specializes in turning organic waste into renewable energy and partners with dairy farms to convert food scraps and manure into biogas through anaerobic digestion. This can then be used to heat homes or power buildings. The farm to table and then back to farm cycle is pretty awesome!

*Barby Keel with some of her animals – credit SWNS*

Emerson’s wholesome find for this episode was a story from Good News Network about how a 90 year old woman has saved over 10,000 animals. 90 year old Barby Keel of Sussex, UK continues to serve her nonprofit organization, and has no plans to retire! She spoke about her mission of rescuing animals for over 20 years by herself at her 12 acre sanctuary, currently taking care of over 600 animals: 160 cats, 16 pigs, 8 dogs, 6 horses, 100 chickens and 80 rabbits!! Her sanctuary is free to the public and she even buys bulk food for the animals with her pension money and sells it at a discounted rate so that people can afford to feed their animals – a true legend. 🫶

If you want to learn more about any (or all) of these topics, click the podcast player at the top of this post or the YouTube video down below to listen to the full episode and dive in with us.

Resources + Stuff Mentioned in This Episode:

Connect with Us:

Send a story or ask for advice: butforrealpod@gmail.com
But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
Val on IG: @valkaymartin
The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

But For Real Episode 18: The Couples Therapy Episode