But For Real Episode 13: Parasocial Relationships, AKA The Lopsided Bestie Squad 👯♀️
In this week’s episode, Valerie and Emerson are coming at ya live from the corner of a hotel by the Nashville airport thanks to some less than stellar weather before they head to a hypnotherapy training 🤓
The main event in this episode is all things parasocial relationships – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Val and Em also share their first celebrity crushes – Leonardo DiCaprio and Zac Efron, respectively.
And as always, we get into plenty more fun stuff, including what having “the ick” means and some hopeful headlines.
This episode covers:
Tea & Crumpets
Emerson’s share for this episode is discovering that the Nashville Public Library has a program where if you live in their service area but not Davidson County, you can get an out-of-county card to be able to access more options. This is especially relevant for folks who use Libby, a service where you can rent e-books, since Libby is limited to the selection your library branch offers!
Val’s recent obsession is Wakes (Ada & Nathan Ketchie). They are amazing humans and musicians who use music, embodiment, & mindfulness to guide you through hardship and toward healing. She recently went on a retreat hosted by them and had an incredible experience!
Step Into My Office
This week, a listener wrote in about how they recently started learning about boundaries in therapy and have started setting them, particularly with work and family, and they’ve received pushback. As a result, they have been feeling guilty and like “the villain.”
Val and Em’s advice includes knowing that just because someone doesn’t respond well to your boundary, that doesn’t mean it’s invalid or doesn’t need to be said. They also share that it’s important to be both clear and kind in your communication, even if the receiving party is still going to dislike it.
The DSM: WTF are parasocial relationships?
Parasocial relationships are generally defined as a one-sided connection between a person and a media figure/celebrity, an imagined intimacy with someone you don’t know.
We form them for many reasons, including the evolutionary psychology aspect of being social creatures, as well as attachment theory positing that parasocial relationships can be “pseudo-attachments.”
Social media is one of the biggest avenues for parasocial relationships, especially with how modern celebrities and influencers often engage directly with fans, which can create a blurred line between audience and community.
In this episode, Val and Em dive deeper into some of the toxic elements of parasocial relationships, including fans feeling entitled to 24/7 engagement and the internet discourse that surrounded Liam Payne’s unexpected death.
Want to learn more? You’ll have to check out the full episode 💁🏻♀️
Now That’s What I Call…OKAAAAY
Val’s pick for this episode was "I Miss You" by Incubus, from their 1999 double-platinum album, Make Yourself. She’s always been drawn to their unique style of rock and how they have never quite fit into a particular “box.”
Emerson’s pick for this episode was "Love Me More" by Sam Smith. She has been a long-time fan of Sam, and getting to hear this song about self-love, especially with seeing how Sam has grown into their non-binary identity over the years, has been really special.
Wait…What? - The Ick
If you’ve been on the internet recently (which if you’re reading this, you definitely have been), you’ve probably seen the term “the ick” thrown around – but WTF does it actually mean? The short version is that it refers to when you have a weird feeling about someone – and while it has normalized sharing “off” feelings, it can be kind of narrow minded and lacks nuance.
Fire Dumpster Phoenix
Em’s find for the week is that Michael Jordan opened another clinic for underserved populations. This is the fourth one he’s opened in North Carolina, and this one is located in his hometown of Wilmington. The clinic focuses on primary care for folks who uninsured or underinsured – which is very much needed with our current healthcare system.
Val’s find for the week was an article titled “Can an unlikely love story overcome divisions in Colombia?” A right-wing influencer and a former Marxist guerilla got married in 2021 – and while they couldn’t be more different in political ideologies, their relationship shows a powerful example of uniting despite differences.
If you want to learn more about any (or all) of these topics, click the podcast player at the top of this post or the YouTube video down below to listen to the full episode and dive in with us.
Resources + Stuff Mentioned in This Episode:
Connect with Us:
Send a story or ask for advice: butforrealpod@gmail.com
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The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
Val on IG: @valkaymartin
The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co
DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.
